The revelation of an extramarital affair can rock a marriage to its foundations, but are you more hurt that your partner cheated or angry that you were kept in the dark? Also, what do egos play in marital affairs?
Discussing relationships and the impact they have on one’s life is a delicate and personal topic. Affair breakdowns are inevitable, but why they occur can vary. Either a relationship is formed or broken as a result.
Consequences are usually an aftereffect. The wound caused by infidelity never heals, no matter how small the initial spark of infidelity is. Some partnerships actually improve after one partner has an affair. Also, there are those that simply wither and die away.
So why do some couples react very differently to an affair compared to others? Unless you truly don’t love your partner, an affair will ruin your relationship.
I don’t understand how some couples can forgive an unfaithful lover while others grow to hate their ex-loved turned enemy.
Everything hinges on how couples respond to infidelity and what they do about it.
Extramarital affairs:
If you want to know how you or your spouse would react if you found out they were having an extramarital affair, you need to put yourself in their shoes.
There are a lot of circumstances that might lead to an affair, but the ego and humility of the innocent spouse are the two most important ones.
So why do some marriages and partnerships crumble after an affair?
Infidelity is a major cause of the breakdown of many partnerships. Your marriage might never recover to its former glory, even if it doesn’t end right away. Many jilted partners feel they can no longer trust their relationship or that they will never be able to love their unfaithful partner again because of what they went through. But when you ask most couples in love what upsets them the most about the situation, they have no idea. Obviously, it hurts, and your trust in your relationship has been shattered. Maybe you think about the other person every time you have sex with your cheating lover.
But what gives you cause for concern is that this is happening.
The true reason is your pride and your unwillingness to let go of the hurt your partner has caused you in order to forgive them. In any case, this is not a bad thing. Because that’s just how you are. One of the first things that probably went through your mind after discovering your partner’s infidelity or hearing a confession was, “How could your lover ever cheat on you… on YOU?!
Despite the anguish and disappointment, you still couldn’t bring yourself to admit that you were cheated on. Realizing that your significant other had found someone they liked even more than you must have been devastating to your pride. Your pride still hurts from the shame you felt then, even though you’ve tried to get over it. And every time you’re in their presence, you’re filled with anger at your partner for making your ego go through that.
Ego awareness and control.
Each of us is possessed of our own unique ego. When our self-esteem is low, we are more likely to take constructive criticism. But when our egos get in the way, we often react even though we are wrong.
Marriage works best when both partners are willing to put their pride aside for the sake of the union. Those who have difficulty admitting they were wrong or apologizing to their partner tend to be poor companions. They aren’t perfectionists; rather, they refuse to accept failure or make concessions for the sake of others. Your first question, after swallowing your pride and hearing that your partner has been unfaithful to you, is likely to be how they could do such a thing. But if you stripped away your pride and anger, all your heart would care about is how this could have happened to you and your relationship.
Your pride prevents you from considering your partner’s feelings or examining the state of your relationship objectively. Your pride only seeks retribution. And your pride will make it such you’ll never be able to forgive your spouse.
An adulterous marriage and the struggle between pride and modesty.
Infidelity occurs when one or both spouses lose interest in or respect for the other, which can happen in any marriage. Whether you choose to let your pride or your humility guide your thinking, keep this in mind at all times:
Whenever one partner blames the other for a problem, the other spouse is never forgiven.
On the other side, when couples figure out that their issues are systemic, they can forgive each other.
Even if it hurts, it’s important to try to understand your partner’s point of view and move on. Everyone has the right to despise their partner if they are convinced they had no part in the affair. But if you see that you have a significant role, you should get over your fear of facing it and take action. Pride gets in the way of good decisions, but modesty clears the mind.
Infidelity inside a marriage is never acceptable, even though it is sometimes unavoidable. But will you approach it with modesty or pride? What a difference that will make in the course of your love story, my buddy.
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