Every relationship moves forward at its own speed. How can you tell the phase of yours? Learn the signs your relationship is moving too fast
If that were true, there would be a rule book for relationships that we could all look at when we have questions. If you want to understand if your relationship is moving too quickly, you should first think about how it makes you feel.
How fast a relationship moves depends on a lot of different things. It can be about how old the couple is, what they’ve done before, where they come from, what they think about life, and so on. One person in a relationship might think it’s moving too slowly, while the other person might think it’s just right. The only way out of a situation like this is to just go with the flow!
But a relationship that moves too quickly isn’t good either. You need to spend time and take each step of the marriage carefully. Because of this, it’s important to know the signs that your relationship is moving faster than Speedy Gonzalez at his best.
First of all, what's wrong with speed?
We just said that a relationship that moves too quickly isn’t ideal, but why is that? And does it help when a relationship moves too slowly?
Not only do you need to get to know each other, but you also need to find out what each other stands for and how they live their lives. You can’t do that if you rush through relationship milestones. You don’t know if you’re right for someone until you’ve had a few fights and problems with them. If you hurry, you miss those moments and don’t know if you’re really meant to be with each other.
Enjoy the early stages of a relationship, you might miss the passionate embraces of the honeymoon phase. If you’re in a hurry, think about why. Is there something you want to show? Is it because you’re comparing your relationship to someone else’s?
When it comes to relationships, remember that there is no speedometer. Even though your friend met someone, got engaged, and married all within 18 months, that doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Even if you haven’t talked much about the future after a few months, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship. Find your own pace and keep going at it.
Is it just as bad to go too slowly?
Yes, in some ways. If you’re both okay with taking things slowly, then everything is fine. But it’s likely that one partner wants to move things along faster and the other doesn’t know why. Then anger and confusion can start to set in. These are two things that can hurt a relationship and maybe even end it.
If one partner is stubborn and doesn’t want things to move forward, it could be because they don’t really want a commitment. If the other partner does, that’s a big problem.
So, the speed at which your relationship moves isn’t a big deal in terms of specific milestones, but going too fast or too slow could be a sign of a bigger problem. But what you think is “too slow” or “too fast” is totally up to you and can’t be measured.
Who said it was easy to love?
Signs that your relationship is moving too quickly and that you should slow down Think you may be going too fast? Use these signs to figure out if you and your partner need to take a break.
1. You don't know them well enough.
Do you have a high opinion of your partner even though you don’t know much about them? You are going too fast. Maybe you need to learn more about them before deciding that they should sit at the right hand of God.
2. After only a few weeks, the kids meet their parents.
It’s a scary moment for anyone in a relationship, but if you or they are meeting the parents after only a few weeks of dating, something is definitely wrong. Time to let go of the ropes and go in a different direction for a while.
3. Calls and messages keep you so busy that you never have time to breathe.
Check your text messages, emails, and phone logs for any given day. If the numbers are in the triple digits or your phone bill is as long as your arm and you just met the other person, that’s a sure sign you need to slow down.
4. You don't know anything about the little things.
If you’re thinking about giving them the world but don’t even know what newspaper they read or what toothpaste they use, you should slow down and get to know them first.
5. You've learned a lot about them in a very short amount of time.
In contrast to point 4, knowing everything can be just as strong a sign as not knowing anything. If you know when they go to the bathroom to the minute and you just met them last week, you should both back off a bit.
6. They seem to be moving in together, which is one of the signs that the relationship is moving too fast.
Toothbrushes and paste, razors, soaps, and even clothes start to end up in each other’s cabinets and closets. This is a classic sign that a relationship is moving too fast. There might be a need to talk about how quickly things are going.
7. Friends are being thrown away.
Giving up on your friends so early on? Or perhaps your partner is? This is never a good sign of a healthy relationship, no matter how long it has been, and especially not a few weeks or months in.
8. Sex seems to be the main subject.
Giving a new partner sex should be done slowly and steadily, while building trust and loving respect along the way. If you’re on the last page of the Kama Sutra and haven’t gone out for coffee yet, you’re in danger of turning your relationship into an FWB situation.
9. Social media have way too much information.
Believe me, your friends aren’t gushing about how nice everything is. Instead, they’re probably wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you’re giving so much of your public life to someone you barely know.
10. After a few weeks, the "M" word comes up.
Already talk about marriage? In the beginning, that’s a HUGE no-no. You might want to spend less time together until you get to know each other better.
11. One of you has kids, and it's time to meet them. Are you sure?
Some people find meeting kids just as scary as meeting the parents, if not scarier. This could be a sudden and shocking wake-up call. If it’s the other way around, you need to have a talk with yourself. Just make sure that this is something that will last before you bring someone into your child’s life who might or might not stay.
12. You start talking about moving in together, but you don't really know each other that well.
Every relationship has this talk at some point, but now is not the time if you still don’t know each other’s middle names. Does your partner want to move in but you don’t know about it?
13. You let your responsibilities slide
Leaving friends is one thing, but leaving responsibilities in the real world is a whole other thing. If one of you stopped paying the bills or cut other financial ties without talking about.
14. You still don't feel like you can really be yourself.
Still clinging to the idea that your first date was perfect? Not willing to show who you really are? Both of these are clear signs that the relationship is moving faster than it should.
15. Your relationship is moving too quickly if the "L" word comes up and you're not sure what it means.
“Love” is thrown around too easily and too early in relationships these days. Save it for when you really feel it, or else you could hurt someone. More importantly, if you’re feeling it after only a few weeks, you may need to reevaluate if it’s real or just a crush.
16. You're making plans for trips way too early
Do you plan vacations together, or does one of you get mad when the other goes on vacation without you? If you feel this way five years into a relationship, that’s fine. But if you feel this way after only a few Saturdays, you need to talk to yourself. Taking a trip with a new partner can make or break a relationship. You don’t really know someone until you’ve been on a trip with them.
17. After a couple of weeks, relationship names are being thrown around.
If you just met, but they’re already calling you “BF” or “GF,” you might want to ask for a little time out. This relationship is moving faster than a politician through an investigation by the public.
18. Bambino talk? So soon?
Come on, already! You just started being able to remember each other’s names, and you’re already talking about having kids? Guys, you guys need to slow down!
19. You call them by pet names because you forget their real names sometimes.
When people start calling each other by their pet names, you know that things are moving too quickly. A “snookums” or “honeybun” that has been around for two weeks is a sign that things need to slow down. It’s also possible that you don’t know them well enough to remember their real name. It’s true!
20. You go on dates every single day.
If you’ve known each other for about as long as a mosquito can live, but you can still remember about six dates, then all signs point to you being the Speedy Gonzalez of love. Time to take it easy. How many dates do you have to go on before a relationship is official?
All couples go through the same nine stages of a relationship.
Too much change in a relationship is rarely a good thing. If you notice more than a few of the above signs often, you might want to slow down. Even though it may be hard, don’t be afraid to stop and take a step back; the right person will want to stay with you.
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